Saturday, 19 April 2008

A Question About Loss, Grief, Worthiness & Carrying On

Q) Hello ~ My partner of over 4 years died instantly 5 weeks ago. The shock and disbelief are still so surreal. I know he is gone but why? And I know he is in a beautiful place because he was such a decent, loving, kind, selfless soul. Now I am left alone. He was so much more evolved than me. He was my teacher. How can I move on? It is slowly seeping into my awareness the loss of him in my life. I never knew such unconditional love, but my love was nowhere as loving and giving as his. I was not able to love like he did. Now I feel like I did not deserve him. Can you help me?

A) I certainly do understand the shock and anguish associated with the apparent loss of a friend or loved one, but the 'loss' is only of the form that was familiar to you on this plane ... and not of that blessed soul whom you love and who still, indeed, loves you!

It is all right to grieve and experience pain; that's very natural and even to be expected. Allow yourself to be with it ... and flow. It is all right to do so. It is also essential, however, that you not allow yourself to fall into the misconception that he is actually 'non-existent' now and the further erroneous thinking that you 'don't deserve' his love. Of course you deserve his love ... and any love that comes your way! It is love that heals and revives! Please don't allow any negative religious (or other) dogma or fear-based thinking to cause you to think yourself unworthy ... ever! You are a part of Source and are divine in essence. You can never be separate from Source ... or those you love—both on this plane and in the Afterlife—because we are all One. The illusion of separation is merely a perception of the ego that is entirely erroneous. There can truly be no separation, except in a mind blinded by fear and nothing more.

It is hard to be on this dense plane known as the physical (or 3D) realm, because we are so blinded to what is real and true and what is all around us at all times. Because the physical plane is such a low and dense vibrational frequency, we cannot 'see' what is all round us, because it's at a higher vibrational frequency from what we can perceive on the physical plane. It's very much the same principle as with a radio or television. When you're tuned in to one station/channel (frequency), that's the only one you can experience in the moment, but the other stations/channels are broadcasting simultaneously, even though you cannot hear/see them! It's simply because you're not tuned into them, that's all.

As a medium, I can and do tune in to these other frequencies all the time. The fact is that we're all natural mediums, but have been conditioned out of that natural ability and shunned it. We've been taught not to honour our own intuition and experiences of other realms and told that that's only 'our imagination'; and all of this higher awareness has been 'demonised' and thwarted. Nothing could be further from the truth and, thank goodness, this is starting to be proven and discussed everywhere now—that we are multidimensional beings who have got access to awareness way beyond the limited scope of the mortal ego mind!

Your beloved has merely moved on to a higher frequency now and one that you can't easily access presently. This is especially true since you're in the throes of grief, for time being, and that makes it even harder to see or perceive his presence round you—not to mention the fear that is currently plaguing you. You just need to work on tapping in to a different radio programme, as it were, and not allowing yourself to get 'stuck' in just one radio broadcast setting. Am I making sense to you, here?

The good news is that, the veil is getting thinner, and that is partly as a result of the massive awakening that's going on now. And as more and more individuals start to realise their own divine heritage, this will become easier and easier all of the time. More and more people are able to pierce the veil and see into other dimensions and commune with those they love who are on the Other Side. You can do this too ... and it will become much easier as you're able to relax, for one, and honour your own worthiness and the fact that there is a deep and abiding love between you two—always has been and always will be!

Of course you'll miss the exchange that you shared on this plane and there's nothing wrong with that, but as you realise that no one can ever really die—that we merely transition to another frequency or dimension and change form—you will experience greater peace of mind and even feel a sense of elation.

Whilst you're quietly in your space, just start talking to your beloved, as you would when he was visible on this plane, and just take the time to listen and be open to what you may experience. You may feel a simple warm glow inside ... or you may actually see and/or hear something. But don't be upset if you don't experience something straight away. Sometimes, it takes time for you to be relaxed or aware enough to receive input ... and ... he may still be in the 'intake' period where he must make his adjustments and integrate! There is also a time of rest that the newly transitioned soul may go through, so it will be a 'quiet' time with no exchange taking place, but not to worry. You'll connect again soon. :)

You may also experience his presence in your dreams. Pay attention to that. People on the Other Side often reach out to us via our dreams, because we're more open and receptive in the dream-time. Whatever you do, be open to the myriad of ways that he may make his presence known to you. He could even speak to you through a pet, birds or butterflies, clouds in the sky, a breeze, the sensation of a soft touch ... oh it can go on in countless ways.

You can go on, my dear, and your beloved wouldn't want you to shut down, just because he's 'graduated' and moved on from this plane. That would be a bit selfish, really, and you need to celebrate his transition to a higher realm. Sure, all graduations are a mixed blessing—with tears and laughter—but one should feel joy when one graduates, not sorrow or regret. You are not parted from him ... ever! He's just removed an old garment (earth-suit) that he no longer needs, but he's still very conscious and very much in tact. Listen ... and love ... and allow yourself to receive love—very important!


Elaine Williams said...

As a widow myself, now of 4 years, I have to say this is a wonderful, thoughtful post. Thank you. Elaine

Anonymous said...

"It's better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all."

I fall into the latter catergory and I wonder what the 4 years you had with your partner must have felt like. I'm so sorry for your pain and I'll pray you find some comfort in your days.

Janice Ervin said...

This may be late in coming – I hope it’s ok that I reply…

My heart goes out to you. No one can fully know what you are living with right now. I’m sorry for your pain. Hopefully since you initially wrote your blog, you are experiencing breaks in the clouds – moments of relief.

Grief..such a special honoring for the love we share with another. It’s a state of being that actively involves the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of our multi-dimensionality. Every sensation you have ever felt can wrap around you and either submerge you or enable you to transcend. Feelings of regret are only one of the many natural passions that will envelope you during this time – it’s part of the process and transition ‘through the valley’. However, as with all natural sentiments, it’s helpful to have awareness for where a particular emotion is transporting us. Is it allowing us to learn something positive? Think, feel…cry. Release toxins and ride the waves as long as it takes. When possible, step back and attempt to gain an awareness for what you can garner through this experience as something to bear witness to that love you still know in your heart. If you can learn to love more fully, connect more fearlessly, give more selflessly, you ‘ring a bell’ cross the divide, and know a completion of the circle opened through the decision to share a heart with another.

Someone once said, that at any time, if you could go back into your past, and revisit the person you were at that time, you should only desire to hug that you who you once were. Good or bad, the choices made were made with all the resources you had at your awareness level, or disposal at that time. As you grow, you view through a new set of eyes. But that growth shouldn’t delineate who you once were. I’m sure you loved in the only way you knew how. It was the greatest love you could have given. And there are many beautiful facets to your rainbow, that attracted and held spellbound, the one you now miss so much. Please know that he loves you still; he understands that what you are experiencing is natural, he wouldn’t wish you to force yourself to move at any greater a pace than your soul is ready for, and he continues to breath air under your wounded wings to enable you the chance to fly once more. And this time, as with every other experience here, when you do fly again, it will be as a more seasoned energy, higher and viewing existence from a more peripheral view.

So take plenty of time to be gentle with yourself, as he would be with you if he were beside you in physicality. Do that which feels right to you, rest, and drink lots and lots of water. Move through this valley of grief until your soul is naturally ready to float and transcend that mountain. And know that he (I’m sorry…I wish I knew his name so I could write it here for you to see) is still very much is alive, and loving. And every time you feel joy; he knows, and celebrates that with you.

Many hugs to you along this difficult yet sacred path.